It will have to be brief because the keyboard I'm writing on wobbles and I'm not in my own cottage and I have to go do laundry soon! I am currently less battered, bruised and beaten then ususal, but only because I haven't actually been working in my own class the last 2 days, I've been helping in other classes.
The weather here is ABSOLUTLY rididculous! They think it's going to SNOW tonight!! SNOW!!! I was told Elngland was LUCKY to see a little snow....in January...but this is November!! Its getting to AT LEAST -5 degrees each night if not lower and the heating system in our 400+ old cottage is radiators...which break regularly!
I'm still enjoying the work as much as I ever did...which is surprisingly a lot, and I've found my very own soap opera to watch everyday at 6:30...Hollyoaks...so I'm happy! I am actaully imagining missing this place when I have to leave next August! I know I'm really going to miss the girls.
Katie-Ann...Shes the actress!
Michelle...Shes from Toronto/The BVI's...very independent!
Maria...Shes in her room...a lot!
Anne...A very sporty German!Love her!
Katie...Shes the quite girl from the Island.
Annika...Shes the youngest not including me ( I am officially the youngest...by about 8 months!)
AND...best for last
Sonja...Shes my roommate, and is totally and completly awsome...and were the same size!! YES!!
I'm finding myself getting really attached to the kids, and I'm going to miss them so much more when I leave then anyone else! They have been through sooo much in their lives and just the fact that they even let me in a little makes them braver then I could EVER be! I actually admire them.
The staff here are soo cool, and really funny, especially a paticular few, who I can really joke around with and they are soo funny!
Well I got to go do my laundry now...ahhh the joys of living too far away to take my laundry home!
Other signs that I'm making myself at home here are as follows:
~I got over jetlag, and was getting really annoyed at the fact that I had to wait till 5 in the ~evening to call my mom, when for her it was only 9:00 in the morning!
~I've gotten used to people smoking EVERYWHERE....outside, inside, in the bathroom!
~I actually look the 'correct' way when crossing the road! (which is right btw!)
~I'm used to the cold, and jsut put a sweater on.
~I think really hard about going out to Witney for the day....4 miles away! (but OMG its a half hour bus trip!!!)
News about me is currently quite limited... I've been going out some nights and fully taking advantage of the fact that I'm legal here! On nights that I'm staying in Standlake I usually end up going to the local pub. You know your life is sad when you walk into the local and your drink is already sitting on the bar. Life is not even worth living when the bar tender says " See you tommorrow!" when you leave. I think I'm falling into a bit of a rut here....but I love it! At home I would watch TV almost every evening....now at least I'm getting out!
Never fear though...I do get out..and I do mean OUT out!
For example last weekend I went to Oxford for touristy things one day, and out to a club another day.
Last night we went to Witney, and really did get Witney night life at its FINEST!!...we were home by 12!...LOL
Tonight we're going out to Oxford to another club. it should be quite fun!...can't wait!
I would like to make a point though...going out to the local hasn't been all bad...far from it!
One of the first night we all (8 girls) went out to the local ( "The Black Horse" btw) we spotted a good looking guy behind the bar. At that point we were all DESPERATE for a guy! We all like the way he looked! I was however the only one who kept it up!
I decided I wanted him lol....crude...but true! Since I have no-one back home who offered to "pine" for me whilst I was away I went for it... I haven't got him yet...but damn close!
I wore low cut hirts...flirted...the works!! The only set-back so far is the ugly bartender is more confident and made the moves first...but I fairly skillfully shut that one down!
well I'll keep y'all posted on that one....right now I'm wrking on being away for 2 nights and then going back and seeing how that works...but he going to India for 5 months on October 25th, so if this doesn't work i'll jsut talk strait up!...Wish me luck!
The kids here are actually great...it's difficult to describe them....what thet do, how they act, and what they say to you....without making them sound absolutely INSANE!!! But they're not really! They can be sweet and kind, and hug you, and tell you your the best! The next minute they're on the floor screaming at you. Calling you a whore bitch without a mother! A litle later on in the your giving them a High-5 for a good goal in football! They're emotions change faster then the weather here, but in each of them, every once in a while you see an amazing glimmer of hope in their eyes. They have been through amsolutly horrible things in their lives, and most of them don't even know their parents. Just the fact taht they can get up in the mornings amazes me....let alone allow them selves to be so vunerable as to give you a hug, or let you help them with a math problem! They are sooo great, and I already anticipate it being difficult for me to leave next August.
~My roommate is awsome, and I should really clean up the room befroe she gets back from London ( she when this weekend and I made it a mess!)
~One of the other girls I live with is German and a clean freak...she's really nice soem days, and crying because the stairs have dust on the the next day....I'm working through that. She's absolutely adorable thoguh...I jsut wnat to pick her up and put on the top shelf so she doesn't get broken!
~The 3rd person I live with is from the Island and is pretty cool....she's sensible and cool, and has great taste in music and movies.
All the girls are great, and its terrific I have other people here who are going through the same thing as me...homesickness...dealing with the kids...living on our own for the first time! this year already makes me feel like I'm ahead of my friends in some aspects of life. I'm living on my own...working....cooking for myself....doing my own laundry...and dealing with people I just PUT with..and making it all work. Sure some people have gone to University, and they could e doing all that still, but they're not really working they at school ( lucky fools!) and moving out is hard, but another country is seeming impossible!
Well I wish the best of luck to all my friends who are changing their lives right now(hopefully for the best lol) and keep in touch!
Lots of Love
P.S. I apoligise for the horribe typing. I was going to go through and proof read it, but I have to go to dinner. Sorry...Lots of love though!
Then I'll work my way up throught family and freidns and jsut keep reminding my self that it's only a year.
I know my current problems are no where near those who are suffering through Katrina right now, and my thought and prayres are with them. Well when I go to church my prayres will be with them. I got to do that before I go....pray for a safe flight.
I know the experience I'm walking into is going to be amazing and unreal. I can see this being te best year of my life! Everyone keeps telling me:
"It's good to travel when you're young!"
"I wish there had been something like that for me!"
"If only my kids had known about that!"
"That's going to be the experience of a lifetime!"
"That's and amazing oppertunity!"
I'd like to thank everyone who gave me such support and encouragment. Even if you didn't know it, you strenghtened my belief that this was the right choice.
To those I'll miss....I'll miss you so much! Be there when I come back and you'll be a friend for life!
Lots of Love to everyone!
PS: Still got the recap of both parties to come!
He is currently sitting in the living room, with a giant box over him, doing....something....on his computer! Huge box, just covering him...it's a really big box, I mean he's 6"3' ish and I can just see a little of him through the edges. He's little in your face....litereally, and always smiling...yes that is a smile ( or at least building up to one, or in the middle of saying something unbelievable rude to me, or my friends.) He has this thing where he'll say "Your a .........(fill in noun here) " My mom hates it but I think it's great. Alex has things that he does and says, that are so origianally him, he could come up behind me anywhere in the world and say something that only he would say and I would know it was him! I would never think he was kidnapper, but I'd probably pretend I thought he was just so I could kick his ass and scream for help, maybe get him in trouble with 'officers of the law' from another country!! Well he is defiantly one of those people I'm going to miss my year away...he always make me feel better about my-self....'cause it's him!
Love you Alex!
BYE to all... ( 9 more days)
Word of the Day for Saturday August 27, 2005
descant \DES-kant\, noun:
1. (Music) (a) A melody or counterpoint sung above the plain song of the tenor. (b) The upper voice in part music.
2. A discourse or discussion on a theme.
\DES-kant; des-KANT; dis-\, intransitive verb:
1. (a) To sing or play a descant. (b) To sing.
2. To comment freely; to discourse at length.
That describes him a little too!
The story is:
*She* had a bad furnace in her house in England and suffered through Carbon Monoxide poisening. Apperently this started about 7 months ago, poisening her little by little for 3 months. When *she* fell into a coma, they put her in hospital where *she* stayed unconciencous for 2 weeks. *She* then stayed in the hospital for an additional 4 months. When *she* got out of the hospital *she* apperently decided that *she* had enough with England, and was coming home(a.k.a. Canada.)
Well that's the story, not that I really beleive it went down like that. I can't help but find a coorilation between my leaving the country and her coming back here. *She* usually plans everything *she* does....nothing *she* does is a mistake!! Nothing that happens to her happens by acciendet. I wouldn't put it by her that she got drunk one night and and for some reason hit the hell out of her furnace. Well maybe thats a little harsh, but still possible!
Just to give you all an idea of what I'm talking about:
>> Are your parents divorced, if not you probably have no idea where I'm comng from.
>> If they are, imagine the person who caused that...getting angry yet?
>> Next imagine your own father taking this person into his home after the divorce!They didn't get married, *she* was jsut staying in his basement, wierd or what?
>>*She* stays there for a while, then completly randomly decides to go to England?? What where did that come from?? Wait a minute you don't care!! *She's* GONE!!!!
>>Then you get a trip to England, and your only honest fear is that *she* is there, in the COUNTRY, because you know *she* would find you and try to make ridiculous small talk!
>>So when *she* says *she* is coming back to Canada are you happy or not?
..On the one hand *she* is not near you, no small talk..
..But on the other hand *she* is near your Dad again and there is absolutly nothing you can do!..
Well this is me completly confused, excited, annoyed and angry! Do you think I could jam any more emotions in there??
"Oh yeah that's definantly you!"
"Do you know what that word means?"
"Yeah....I'm not stupid!"
"Okay mom.... (Word of the Day for Saturday August 20, 2005)
truculent \TRUCK-yuh-luhnt\, adjective:
1. Fierce; savage; ferocious; barbarous.
2. Cruel; destructive; ruthless.
So am I truculan?"
"Oh, maybe not....."
**Strange sense of pride was experienced by, well, me here....but I also felt a little twinge...I realized that to solve little issues like that one will take a lot more work and confusion over the phone when I'm away. For a whole year I won't come down the stairs and see or hear my mom playing free cell in the mornings. For a whole year I won't be able to quietly come down and get my cup of coffee, already made, then retreat to my room till I wake up!! I will have to make it myself! Even though I never really appriciated it, I'm really gonna miss the routine in my house.**
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car.
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.
Ancraophobia- Fear of wind.
Androphobia- Fear of men. I could see this one...
Apotemnophobia- Fear of persons with amputations. You have been cordially in vited to the war amps benifit dinner!
Ataxophobia- Fear of disorder or untidiness.
Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights.
Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity. How do you get around that one?
Bibliophobia- Fear of books.
Blennophobia- Fear of slime.
Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia- Fear of body smells. How did they survive highschool?
Bufonophobia- Fear of toads.
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
Cainophobia or Cainotophobia- Fear of newness, novelty.
Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting.
Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
Cherophobia- Fear of gaiety. Well the Glee culb is kinda creepy!
Chirophobia- Fear of hands.
Chorophobia- Fear of dancing.
Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money. okay...I'm sorry what???
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors. REALLY???
Chronophobia- Fear of time.
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed.
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowels movements.
Deipnophobia- Fear of dining or dinner conversations. " So...How you been?" "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"
Domatophobia- Fear of houses or being in a house.(Eicophobia, Oikophobia)
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch. I can definatly see that!! Have you seen the wooden shoes!!!
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers. Again...how did you get through highschool??
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.
Erotophobia- Fear of sexual love or sexual questions.
Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture. Oh dear God yes!
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter. Ha Ha
Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
Germanophobia- Fear of Germany or German culture. Yup
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste.
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting. So...can they JUST print?
Hellenologophobia- Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology. Oh, the irony.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. I don't think I need to even touch on this one!
Hormephobia- Fear of shock. " I'm sorry sir, you have Hormephobia." "Oh my God, what does that mean--Ahhhhhhhh!~)
Hygrophobia- Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture. Hmmmm, this seems moist!--Ahhhhhhhh!
Ichthyophobia- Fear of fish.
Ideophobia- Fear of ideas.
Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.So if your a guy...it's the fear of being a functioning human being! (Also, I heard stress can cause...problems...so if your really stressed about having Ithyphallophobia..what's the problem?)
Japanophobia- Fear of Japanese. I swear to God these were the only two I could find for "J" and I promised every letter!
Judeophobia- Fear of Jews.
Koinoniphobia- Fear of rooms.
Kopophobia- Fear of fatigue. Hope you don't also have Clinophobia, then your just ones of God's little jokes.
Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.
Leukophobia- Fear of the color white.
Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body.
Lutraphobia- Fear of otters. But they're so cute and cuddly!!
Melanophobia- Fear of the color black.
Melophobia- Fear or hatred of music. Yup!
Metallophobia- Fear of metal.
Metathesiophobia- Fear of changes.
Methyphobia- Fear of alcohol.
Metrophobia- Fear or hatred of poetry. Wow, thats deep man!
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories. "I can't remeber when they told me I had Mnemophobia...oh wiat yes I--Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!"
Mottephobia- Fear of moths.
Nelophobia- Fear of glass.
Neophobia- Fear of anything new.
Nephophobia- Fear of clouds. But theri so fluffy!!!Like Giant Marshmallows!
More to come...
Definition: an extreme fear of clowns
Etymology: Greek kolon or kolobathristes
When I went to my GAP Orientation, they gave us all clown noses. They told us to use them to make people laugh....but honestly, if I'm sad and someone tried to cheer me up with a clown nose I'd probably deck them and then cry!
In light of getting the nose I decided to make use of it and take ridiculous pictures of people wearing it. I hope to get a whole pile of pictures of people wearing it! For now I just have Dm and myself!
Me after I'd just fallen over in laughter! I'm still able to keep a strait face though!!
Dom completly unable to keep a strait face!
HOMMIE DON'T PLAY THAT!
While this picture is actully from easter, this is what I'm going to miss most when I go away!I'm going to miss my family's get togethers, their famous! nwell maybe not famous....more likely infamous!
This picture really describes them to a tee! My cousin Helen, and I in the front...the life of the party...at least we like to think we are! My uncle John doing something else with a look on his face like he just ate his children! My mom in the back, a little confused about what's going on, but enjoying herself anyways and my brother Alex in the back....sent there by the shorter people...he is a giant in our family!
Incedently, on the phone is my cousin Tritan, so I guess we can say he's in there too! Tristan is the cousin in England. I plan to see him when I go there in the fall (well 23 days now!). I probably won't be able to see him right away as I'll be shooed off to Reading pretty much as soon as I get off the plane, and form there, sent right to my placement, but on my first break I fully intend to go visit him! I hope to pursude Erica(shown here posing with "The Flash") to meet me in London a few times if possible! Obviously we will be doing some big "Hoo Har" for her birthday! Well I think that's near all I have to say ight now, and I think I intergrated the pictures of peeple I know quite nicely into the Blo, without making it seem like I was jsut trying to use my new found "picture putting in" skills!
So my GAP year away is fast approaching and while I don't have much information about the place I'm going, I do know the girls I'm going with!!I also have their pictures, and even though they'll probably kill me for putting their pictures up I'm going to do it anyway!!
This is Katie from the island, who I've met already
This is Katie Ann from the other side of the country!!(NS)
And this is Michelle
Aren't they just the BEST!! Well I think so!
I know, it's rare, but they do happen. I mean i genuinly good day!
I opened a bank account, and was helped by an alarming looking woman who looked like she had had more facelifts then the convict-got-off-pop-star-among-us! I was warned not to stare, but my Dog, a feat I found near impossible! Well I opened an account and now I am "officially saving"! I then had a grilled cheese sandwich and a rootbeer, and called it a day, retiring to my couch to watch a thrilledy (thriller/comedy) called "Shallow Grave"....and it was 'interesting'!
Well, I'm blabbing on (well not really, but its a polite way to say I'm fucking bored now and wanna do something else!) so I'll stop talking and let you all be!
...wait all who?...
--Bruce Hargott...source: anon.
I know I'll look back on this time in my life (as in the month of June containing my 18th birthday), and laugh and cry and greatly reminisce...but right now I just want to get through it....June 30th will be a GOOD day! A very GOOD day!
GOODish days to come:
June 9th - My 18th Birthday
June 21st - My "Graduation"
June 29th - Last Exam...History :-s
June 30th - SDSS Grad...yea people!
BADish days to come:
June 6th - no explanation
June 9th - I won't REALLY get to celebrate my birthday!
June 22nd - English Exam, people going away
June 23rd - Math Exam (dear God help me!)
June 24th - Biology Exam
June 27th - Chemistry Exam
June 29th - History Exam
June 30th - SDSS Grad...and I'm not in it :-(
Wow, life is dandy! Splendiferous, I might even stretch to say! NOT! Oh well, at least I have a job, so I have money coming in...but it seems that as soon as you have money coming in...you suddenly have all these expenses, and the money is going out again!!
All the best, lots of Luv
**we breifly considered a unicorn, but that was going to raise too many questions**
Also I have to write up my year book blurb, because I'm just so damn important!! but seriously folks! I have to write about my time at he AMAZING Southpointe. I mean it was no GIGANTIC GARAGE SALE!! but I'll figure something out...any suggestions??
After marrying a lumberjack Haley plans to become a self-made millionaire and travel around the world dropping bags of gold on third world countries from a hot air balloon.
*( or something to that affect)*
So for Vanessa we came up with the following options:
After graduation Vanessa plans to invade Point Roberts and start her own small country.
Vanessa plans to make the world a better place, one midget at a time.
*( take that one how you want!)*
- That one got us talking about the Cambodian Midgets that were killed by the lion......ewww!
After high school Vanessa plans to go to a finishing school in Vermont where she will learn useful skills that will become quite useful once she marries a millionaire.
There were others too but I don't remember them because I'm very dead right now...no not actully but I did get a little bit of heat stroke from the sun today...I went to May Days and got a really really bad burn!! Oh well, live and learn...yeah right...I do this every year!
NEWS NEWS NEWS
Jayson Wood is in Ladner. He's a really cool guy, and a good friend. I haven't seen him in a really long time, and the last time I did see him, it was qutie a big family dealy....so there wasn't much time for catching up etc... but I saw him today, and hung out with him for quite a bit and talked...and it was good. I'm gonna be hanging out with him more...I want too!
A problem is though that he's going to be heading up country for the summer the day after my graduation, and getting back JUST in time to see me off at the airport.
Same with Alex...he got a training course for the summer in Alberta. He's going to learn how to drive stuff for the army...its a really good job! I can't remember when he leaves...but he gets back on like September 2nd...and I'm leaving on the 5th!! It's nuts...my mom and I are going to be alone the whole summer!!Just us two!
Should be fun though!
Today has been a very non-commital day, I wish everyday could be like that. I can not be tied down to any one thing for too long! I go crazy! I'll go full out for one thing and then get bored and move on. It's been like with school before. I'll go all out for it for a while, and then I'll get bored and move onto something else and not concentrate on it for a while . It's the same way with relationships. I'll be like one person's best friend for a few weeks, and be practically ignoring the other people the whole time. Then I'll have my fill of the one person and want to move on....put another way, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM!!!...The only problem is with people thats a little more difficult, people tend to be more clingy! Most peopel aren't like me. They are okay with everyone all the time, but no-one seems to go to the extreme as me. I mean you'd get sick of someone as fast as I do too if you did the same as I do!!I mean I have a few friends who I could deal with all the time. There's Vanessa, Helen and Erica...yeah just 3 ( that's what a few is! ) but other then them, some people drive me crazy!!
I can not be committed, it's not in my nature!
Well I'm going to assume you can't just click on the link and find it for yourself, and write todays out:
Word of the Day for Friday May 6, 2005
frisson \free-SOHN\, noun:
A moment of intense excitement; a shudder; an emotional thrill.
Well today's is quite an interesting one. I imagine you could get this feeling from any number of events.
Your just about to jump off a cliff and you would experience a frission right before you jumping.
Your true love has been gone for years, and no matter what emotion you expereince it would cirtainly be intense, and I'm sure you would be excited!!
Well this is going to an exciting weekend for me...Today, friday, I have to wash my hair and straiten it out, then we (my mom and I) are heading over the Byrnes to fit them for flaminco skirts!! Very exciting. After we measure them we're heading over to my school to drop off some jellybean "bombs" to be sold at the spring fair. Once we finally finish all of our tasks here in Tsawwassen we're heading out to Vancouver so I can get my British passport, and I think that is the most exciting part of my day!! Oh no wait no, I must correct myself..the MOST exciting part of my day today will definaltly be going to see "Guys and Dolls" at SDSS!! I will be seeing Vanessa and Erica and everyone else in it!!YEA!!!
Well after that busy day, you'd think I would be able to rest on Saturday and Sunday...but no such luck!!! On saturday, the same day as the school spring fair I have to be out at UBC at 9:00 in the morning for a whole day meeting about my 'GAP year' next year. After the meeting which ends at 6:00, my parents would have already left at 2:00 and then I have to drive from UBC to Marpole for a "Dancing through the Decades Dance" presented by Lasdowne Chapter and Bethel #9. I'm going for a 50's look. I'm going to be wearing my grandmas dress from the 50's and my hair's going to be in a french roll. My nails are going to be red, and my lips too! I'm going to darken the mole on my face. I'm told is in just the right spot so I may as well take advantage of it!
I should be getting home from that dance at about 1:00 in the morning (that's why I started a next paragraph, for Sunday, technically it would be Sunday!) and I would pray to God that I could sleep, but NEVER!! I have to be at Richmnd Centre at 9:00 in the morning to start my first day of work at Jacob. My shift is from 9:00am to 1:00pm and then when I fianlly get home..I get to do homework!!!
That is my amazing, really fucking busy, weekend!
traduce \truh-DOOS; -DYOOS\,transitive verb:
To expose to contempt or shame by means of false statements or misrepresentation; to represent as blamable; to vilify.
I think all of us can be accused of this at some time or another.
I also discovered this as interesting:
whore (hôr, hr)n.
1) A prostitute.
2)A person considered sexually promiscuous.
3)A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain.
It doesn't say:
A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain in a sexual manner.
It just says:
A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain.
I found it interesting that a term we so commonly use to refer to a person who is sexually promiscuous can also be used for someone who it just a sucsessful but mean person.
Something to note though...a person could be a whore twice over...they could be a sexually promiscuous postitute, a prostitute who comprimises her principals for personal gain ( but I think they all do...unless they like fucking around and wouldn't mind screwing complete strangers (probably with diseases) for free!), or a person who is sexually promiscuous (like a paticular country) and also comprimising their princpals for personal gain of any type!
Anyway I'll leave you with this...the word of the day from my last birthday, please feel free to check out your own on dictionary.com - Word of the day---On the sidebar>>>
Word of the Day for Wednesday June 9, 2004
braggadocio \brag-uh-DOH-see-oh; -shee-oh; -shoh\, noun:
1. A braggart.
2. Empty boasting.
3. A swaggering, cocky manner.
I'll leave you with this today...a list poem:
Small of back
Hips and Fingers
Ear and Fingers and Breath
Small of back...cottage?
1. Open to change; apt or likely to change; adaptable.
2. Constantly or readily undergoing chemical, physical, or biological change or breakdown; unstable.
I really do like Dictionary.com. Even if I don't manage to find a situation everyday to use each word, it's still good to know I soppose. I do use the words sometimes in kindergarden and of course that makes me feel smart, but at the cost of feeling stupidly childish too...oh well it's fun anyway! Speaking of working with the kids, today I got to be in the pictures with the little kids, in their class pictures, and I got to be in the big school picture with them too! Wow do I ever look tall next to them!! Also, I got the e-mail from the GAP placement lady in England and she did find me a placement in England and I am uncirtain as to whether I want to accept the placement or not??
Here's the write-up on the school:
The Mulberry Bush is a therapeutic school providing care and education for boys and girls, aged 5 to 12, for 40 weeks of the year. The school aims to provide a balance between therapeutic work and school work. The children who attend the Mulberry Bush School are those with severe emotional damage due to the accumulation of adverse experiences in infancy and early childhood. Although these children are of average or above average intelligence, their experiences have left them with a high degree of distress, bewilderment, lack of trust, hope and without an adequate foundation on which to build a sense of self-worth. Many of our children have had difficulty in mainstream schools, and we see education as central in our work. Children are considered for placement at the School at the request of local authorities responsible for their education and welfare. In partnership with the family and with an actively involved referring authority, the School aims to equip each child with the personal, emotional, social and learning skills to cope in a family and in a local school and community.
To say the least it sounds a little extreme! However, my dads friend who has his degree in Psycology did make the good point that if I went there it would be an amazing experence, and would most cirtainly help me along my way to becoming a child psycologist. He also made the point that if I took notes on the different children when I was there (in the form of case note studies), I would then have at my disposal information on cases I was directly involved in. He said that I would probably have enough information for about 10 paper's in University. Also, the fact that the information would be self-collected makes it all the more impressive!
I think I am going to accept the placement, I just need to clear a few things up though. The town it's in sound amazing though:
Witney in Oxfordshire, world famous for its blankets, is a thriving market town with over 22,000 residents making it the largest town in West Oxfordshire. The town of Witney dates back to AD969, though there is some evidence of Iron Age and Roman settlements in the area. Witney offers all of the facilities you would expect to find in a town of its size. A varied shopping experience, Sainsburys out of town supermarket, pubs and restaurants, leisure facilities like Pirate Fitness, the Witney Lakes resort and the Windrush Leisure Centre, hotels like the Witney Four Pillars Hotel, a college (Abingdon and Witney College) even a Witney car auction. The town is expanding through ongoing property developement, notably the Madley Park development.
No matter where I end up I'll be happy just going there! Except for maybe the North...I don't know anyone up there, and I know one peson from there. She's alright, but she did leave...? Think aobut it! I'd still prefer not to go there!
Well I will leave you with this...
Here I stand
With no where to go...
Here I stand
With limits at my doorstep, and purposelessness overwhelming
With somewhere to go...
Here I stand
On the fence, my balance uncirtain.
amanuensis \un-man-yoo-EN-sis\, noun; plural amanuenses, \-seez\:
A person employed to take dictation or to copy manuscripts.
Wow they actullay have a word for that, I thought they were just called redorder's...jsut goes to show how loose my grip is on the extensivness of the english language!! Oh well at least its better then some people I know! Granulaited???
Her emotions are flowing, waving, shaking.
Like a heartbeat, blood flow, a heart beating but a heart with a mummer, a hole in it.
A hole that cannot be fixed by medical means.
She needs to be healed by love and hate, all emotions, experienced by her and her alone.
She needs to be able to sort those feelings out.
To think without restriction,
Without her own mind getting in the way.
Ask: Why does she need to be healed? Saved?
If she is to die when she is 26, at the tender and fragile age of 18, she doesn’t have much time left.
She can be left to experience the most important time of life.
The freest time of life…alone?
Embarking on new times…alone?
Feeling alone in the world…. and truly being alone?
Actually being alone!
Could she be left to hurt and ache?
She will die eventually…we all will.
No she is my friend, I will help her.
That what friends do.
They don’t judge and they don’t need to entertain.
They are there, just there.
When you’re feeling down, friends take you to Hon’s House of Noodles,
And buy you an oversized shirt from Hon’s House of Noodles.
That is what a friend does!
They don’t judge and they don’t need to entertain.
They are there, just there.
They take you out for coffee,
They hug you.
They hold you when you’re having a mental breakdown!
You want to bend spoons, and scream and cry, and smash your head open were in not for the pain.
Sometimes, when you don’t care about the pain, they hold you, and stop you from doing something crazy!
You can’t be there all the time, to hold them, but you always care.
On the horrible days, when the sun won’t and can’t shine,
They are thinking of you.
They don’t laugh, they don’t hit, they never criticize.
They know when you want to be alone.
They don’t judge and they don’t need to entertain.
They are there....just there.
biddable \BID-uh-buhl\, adjective:
1. Easily led or commanded; obedient.
2. Capable of being bid.
But because they are sociable, biddable, obliging, stoic and generous, most are happy to join in. --Sue Montgomery, "The Nature of Horses," New Statesman, July 18, 1997
The chaotically organised event proved nothing more than that one charismatic individual can impose his will on a lot of biddable ones. --Thomas Sutcliffe, "Last night's television," Independent, May 2002
Both are calm, biddable, cooperative, sensible companions. --Bill McClure, "The right start," American Hunter, November 2003
I know a few people like this, and I know a few who are the oppisite, but more frighteningly, the numbers are near equal!
I don't actully have a lot to say, but I would like to suggest that everyone watch " The Upside of Anger", not paticularly in the theatres, but eventually, it's well done.
I do have to say though that I think my mom is currently going through her mid-life crisis, suddenly feeling that she hasn't done anything with her life, and that she is currently useless, but I just wish I could tell her that she had done so much and she has nothing to worry about, I however doubt that. I wnat to tell her she's done a damn fine job of raising me, but even if I did get a chance to talk to her minus the yelling, she wouldn't belive me!
I may have said previously that I lie a lot. Not big lies, but white lies. Lies to get me out of trouble, and I seem to need to tells those a lot. Sometimes I tell them for fun, just to keep my hand in it all, but recently something happened. I met ( well I met him in Septemberish) and found out I can't lie to him. No matter how hard I try, I can't lie to him!! I practically have an allergic reaction!! I knida trashed his place for fun, and becuase I had nothing else to do (it was completly spontaneous) and I was on the phone with him and shaking, literally shaking! I was planning on lying and telling him I had no idea what he was talking about, and then admitting to it a few months later, but I suddenly found my self telling him everything, and he didn't even push for it, he was just asking??It was sooo wierd!! Some might say love, other's hate, but the jury still out for me. I seriously doubt hate, I don't know him well enough to hate him!!He is seriously involved with someone else, and is (not surprizingly) not interested in me!! It's NOT love!!Mostly it really scares me, I've never met anyone like him before, and if thats what I want to do for a living, it scares me becuase there mgiht be othere's like him. I want to be an international interigator for the canadian government (that or a Child Psycologist) and if I meet more people like him, that might not work!
I guess it all a good thing, but I'm not as excited about it as I thought I would be. I guess th excitment will eally kick in once i find out where exactly I'm going, and how it's all logisically going to happen. I only wish I had applyed to UBC as well, and some other Universityies, because I think it's too late now, and i never could figure out how to apply online anyways. I think now i can rea;;ly atart to focus on my school work, because I have a plan of where I'm gooing now, and it all suddenly sound's so approachable.
Another thing is that on my placement it said I was all set to go to a Care School, and I suddenly Realised, does that mean a school for children who are Mentally Disabled?? Don't get me wrog, I definatly think that school for childen like taht are great, and I also think that there are plenty of people on this earth that are really well suited for work there, I jsut don't think I'm one of them?? I'm not the Mother T type?
Oh well, i guess I am happy?
Finished at 4:28pm
Run Forrest Run-Alan Silverstrin
Nobody’s Home-Avril Lavign #
Let Me Go –3 Doors Down #
My Happy Ending – Avril Lavign #
Blink 182 – First Date *
There is – Box Car Racer
Vindicated – Dashboard Confessional #
The Book of Love – Peter Gabriel *
Out of My Head – Fastball #
You’re an Ocean – Fastball *
Now we are free – Gladiator Soundtrack *
Knocking on Heavens Door – Avril Lavign *
HELP! – The Beatles #
What if God Was One of Us? - Joan Osborne *#
Like Toy Soldiers – Eminem
Concrete Angel – Martina McBride *
God is a DJ – Pink
Flower – Anon.
The blood of Cu Chulain - Mychael Danna
Absolutely (Story of a Girl) – Nine Days Grace *
Oasis – Wonderall
Shut Up – Simple Plan #
Jaded – Our Lady Peace
Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon
Banditos – Refreshments
* = These are the ones that could make you sick of love, or comfort you in love.
# = These are the songs that kinda make me indifferent toward anything that could exist between two people.
If it ain't marked, then I don't know how I felt towards them but there was something there that gave me a little "twang".
So whether your love sick or sick of love, these songs will get something churning in your heart, love or hate.
I think I’m going to think “Realistically”.
Later on I will be writing aobut the connection between Smell and Memory.
A friend of mine just sent me this, and I feel it truly deserves passing on!! http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=qw1108309142293B235
Classic…weird, but Classic!
I also just realized that absolutely no one reads this blog but a few people (i.e. One, Vanessa) and if I just wanted to tell her things, I wouldn’t have to do it over a bog, I could just tell her, I think I need to work on that. Well I don’t know other people might read it, but Vanessa it the only one who leaves comments, and as soon as I figure out how to get pictures on this, it might all work out a whole bunch better!!
Finished at 7:07
PS. I am going CRAZY waiting for GAP to get back to me!!!
When we are Children, all of our decisions are in black and white. Our entire world is in black and white. Once we grow older all of our decisions enter a grey area. In order to clarify our decisions we remove the emotional attachment from our decisions. We will make our decisions based on materialistic factors such as the cost, the availability of the materials involved, or the likelihood of success. A child will base their decision on the emotion they attached to each outcome. In order to have a better relationship with your child there are a few things you can do. First, you must have an understanding of the decision making process a child goes through. Once you understand that you can begin to ask them to do things more easily. In a sense you need to reconnect with your inner child, and even if you don’t agree with your child, you need to understand their emotional attachment to the decisions they make. When trying to explain something to your younger child, if you attach an emotion to your statement, you will have a much better response then if you try to explain using materialistic pro’s and con’s. For example:
If you child is asking for something in the super market that you can’t afford try saying this:
“Spending the money on that instead of these groceries would make me (mommy/ whatever your called) very sad.”
Accepting and understanding you child’s emotional attachments to their decisions will help you to become more in touch with your child, and how they view the world. Once you understand why they make these decisions, you can start to figure out how to affect and influence their decisions towards the right things in life.
For you to feel passionate about anything -- from slowly biting into a decadent piece of chocolate to sharing a heady convo with a guy at a party -- your senses must be engaged. "You're extremely in touch with what turns you on both mentally and physically, and you can find even the simplest things intriguing," says Logan Levkoff, a certified sex educator in New York City.
That's why you don't feel compelled to leap from one supercharged event to the next. "You know you can be a passionate person but still incorporate balance in your life," says Nancy Rosenbach, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City and Long Island. "One day you might feel like going skydiving, but another day, you'd be just as happy chilling out at home with a big, juicy novel and a glass of wine."
Your frisky flexibility is also what puts guys at ease. "Because you're open-minded about what could potentially excite you, you don't make men feel as if they always have to live up to a certain fantasy," says Rosenbach. "When you're freed up to explore different sides of your personality together, sex will be better and your intimacy will deepen."
MY SHOE STYLE IS...
You're a pointy-toe stiletto/slingback!
The latest fashion magazines are your monthly bible. You love shoes so much that you ran out of room in your closet for shoe boxes, so the oven now doubles as a storage unit. You're always looking sophisticated and polished, even when you have jeans on, and Gwyneth Paltrow and Sarah Jessica Parker are your idols. Every seasonal trend is right up your alley, and most trends work back to things that are already in your closet. Looking great was never so easy!
MY WEDDING NIGHT STYLE IS...
Break out the flirty mesh and silk camisole sets.
You like to be comfortable, but you have been known to throw on the occasional sexy set for a special occasion. You wore a lacy white bra-and-panty set for the wedding, so why not keep things flirty for the honeymoon? Besides, you hope to keep things spicy in the bedroom for a long, long time.
or just email it to me, to email@example.com, its super short, but cool!
1. What time do you get up? LOL 8:00, I was supposed to be at school then .
2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? Aristotle.
3. Gold or silver? Silver
4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Ummm, I cannot remember, it was a while ago!!
5. What is/are your favorite TV shows? The OC, 24, and ER. (all short concise titles, that's my selling point!!)
6. What do you usually have for breakfast? Nothing
7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? Michael Jackson ( LOL or Michael and Jackson!!jks!...Jo, Laura, you know what I'm talking about!!)
8. What is your middle name? Oh god do you want to know all of them!!, I'll just tell you the main two! Felicity Appleby
9. Beach, City or Country? Beach
10. Favorite ice cream? Cappachino. (wow I cannot spell!!)
11. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? Plain
12. Which would you prefer to buy: shoes or purses? Shoes
13. Makeup or bath products? Makeup
14. Price not considered, what kind of car would you drive? !973 BMW, convertalble
15. Favorite sandwich? BLT
16. What characteristic in people do you despise? Love of their own voice, cockyness!
17. Favorite flower? Bird of Paridise, Lily
18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Egypt, well africa in general
19. Favorite brand of clothing? No idea!!, I used to like Tommy Hill...but since (according to him) I, a WASC (White Anglo-Saxon Catholic), am the olny type of person who's actully "allowed " to wear the cloths, I don't think their so great anymore! Altough I am a WASC, not a WASP, so who knows, maybe I'm not allowed!
20. Where would you retire to? The French Riviera
21. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
22. What did you do for your last birthday? Ummm, nothing, my 17th birthday consisted of me blowing out the my candles on an apple crisp I made.
23. Where were you born? Vancouver, BC
24. What's your favorite sport to watch? Hockey, and I miss it so much!
25. What fabric detergent do you use? The cheapest!
26. Coke or Pepsi? Niether!
27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? I'm a noon person, but i guess if I had to choose, it would be a morning person.
28. What is your shoe size? 7, completly average, they never have my size in!!
29. Do you have any pets? Yeah! I have 3 dogs, and 3 cats. They are respectivly, Kate, Harry, Sky, Sidney, Marriah, Jebus.
30. Waht do you plan to do in the next year? I hope to be going to England.
31. Do you own any clothing with the colour pink on it? ABSOLUTLY, the more the better!!
32. When is your birthday? June 9th, 1987.
Short, but I like the question's their not the basic : what do you like in a guy/girl? What's you favorite colour? Blah, blah, blah!! I especially like # 31!!!
Moving on though....
I just got back form Tim Hortons, and why did I go to Tim Hortons you ask...?
Well probably not, because why would you care!But I'll tell you anyways!
We watched Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, and when it was over I was like, hey I feel like Tim Hortons, and Alex's is like " oh ok, lets go" and Dom JUMPS up and screams, "Get the CAR!!"
We run out of the house in a fury, I grab my shoes and run out bare foot, and put them on in the car!! We stopped at a gas station to fill up the car, and Dom and I run over to Timmy's! So great!!! We sat there for a while, Jo, Laura, and Michele were there, and there was this guy named Carl ( or Karl, I didn't ask how he spells it LOL!).Well Alex and Dom left me but they came back a while later and took me home, they're off to Vancouver, for NO reason...Who knows!! Anyways, I have to go to bed, because I have pancakes to make tomorrow for pancake Saturdays, all welcome, it's a tradition!
Finished at 11:06pm
PS Congratulations John. And Curt for your prestigious position on the Ladner McDonald's Baseball team!!
I had the worst conversation/argument with my mom, and it’s was the kind of conversation where you just want the person to shut up and leaves you alone! But she wouldn’t and I’m sure it was one of those conversations where I’ll thank her for it later, but I’m not very happy with her right now. She forced me to talk about school, and how I’m fucking it all up ( my grade 12 year that is ) and every time I said I wanted to go ( we weren’t at home, so I couldn’t even storm dramatically up to my room ) she just said “ No, because I don’t think your understanding what I’m saying!!”. well she jsut freaked on me so i have to go!!I'll finish this l8r.
I could always change my title to Eh?
I do like that!
Which is worse, to hurt someone to their face, or to say hurtful things behind their back??
Is it right to mock someone when they just don't understand, or are you walking a thin line , on the other side is prosecuting against handicapped people, and mentally retarded people. Where is the line between making fun of someone who can't help it, ( because of a disablilty) and making fun of someone because they just don't get a joke.
Someone can just not get a joke but be a fucking genius!
I do think we make fun of people to make ourselves feel better, but I liked to hope that one day, people will move on form that and simply feel good enough about ourselves, that we don't need to push other people below us.
When will we by able to show our true feelings to each other without the fear of being wrong or rejected. Some people think the solution to that is marriage, but there are some marriage's where those involved don't even talk to each other about serious things.
I mean what is our life though, Before we were born, we have no proof of where we were, and after we die, we have no proof of where we go
some people could hypothesize, that we are here only for a while and in a religious sense when we are not here, we are with a God like figure, but when he/she/it puts on this earth it to give us a chance to better it in the short time we have. The only problem is we spend the first half of our lives figuring hurt what the problem is, and the second half feeling depressing and doing nothing because we feel we are aunt big enough, strong enough, or able to change anything in this world single handedly.
I don't want to get into a debate over the purpose of life, but I do like to think that the purpose of like is two-fold. Firstly, it is to find the purpose of life. And secondly, if you find your purpose in life, fulfill it, and find your next one. Everyone have many purposes in life, they are infinite, and will continue to line up and wait their turn as long as you live, and maybe even after you die. We have no shortage of our own personal purposes, and every once in a while, people purposes will overlap, and they will help each other out, and complete each other's, and move on to the next one. I like to think that when two people's purposes overlap, considering the brevity of ours lives ( in the grand scheme of things ) the over lap's do not happen often, but when they do, you've just found your soul mate. This is not the case for all overlap's of course, but sometimes, it just happens and if you can recognize that, you are the luckiest person in the world.
I was also considering the purpose of marriage and about a week after I was thinking about it, I watched " Shall we Dance" ( a terrific movie, I suggest everyone ignore the stupid critics, and watch it!!) but in it they is a discussions about the purpose of marriage, and there are two explanations. The first is that people get married because of passion, but the second, and the one I prefer, is that people get married to have a witness to their lives. If our lives are so brief, and the only record we really have of them is our family, we need a witness. I don't mean the only record of us is family. I mean the only record for our lives is family. We have paper documents for every part of our lives, form birth, to marriage, to death and a tombstone, but the only proof that we LIVED is in the people we lived with. People get married to have a witness to their fears, and their loves ( you can't record that on a file ): to have a witness to our joys, and to our shared memories. We need someone to validate our lives, if we are only here to be here, then some people feel we need to be recognized as being here. They want to be checked off on the list as present and accounted for, and marriage is how they do it.
so the next logical question is, why do marriages " fall apart" ( I have fall apart in brackets, because I think it's a trend. 50 years ago, divorce just didn't happen, but that's not to say it didn't exist. (t's been around since that kind who did that thing that time, with the new church) but how many people can say their grandparents got divorced. I'm sure some of them did, but there's not that many!!But how many people can say their parents are divorced, quite a few more. This leads me to the obvious conclusion that is is a fad!)
so why do they fall apart?? Because people think they already have a witness to their lives ( often in their children ) and they see no need for a husband or wife anymore. They are too hasty, they are so used to a fast paced world, with a universe of information at their fingertips ( much like you have it at your fingertips right now!!) and they have although that pops into their head, and they carry it out. I just think everyone is too hasty, we all need to slow down and take a breather. I think at times I might just be happier living 50 years ago.
In conclusion I want to try to be nicer, and not judge people so much. I'm making an over-hasty opinion, of their over-hasty presentation of themselves. If that makes sense. If not ask me I'll try to explain it a little better.
Finished at 10:41 pm, I typed quick on that one, I guess I had a few thoughts on my mind!
I also have a confession to make and I'm not sure if I want to say this, but I guess I could operate on the theory and everything about me is me and the truth, so I should say it ( although operating on the theory of don't ask don't tell also works!!) Anyways, I went to a party on Friday and I made out with a 24 year old and I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to date any guys more than 3 years older than me and that's a stretch! Also, I actually don't really like making out, I don't see what all the fuss about it is?? I guess I'm just seriously fucked up!! But, we all knew that already!So anyways, this guy was 7 when I was born and even though it doesn't really make a difference when your older I defiantly think it does when your 17 and 24! I also have to comment on the legal age of consent. Has anyone EVER met a 14 year old who is sound of mind enough to judge between a decent person (up to the age of 19) and the kind of person who but the time they are 19 and still like 14 year olds should be called a pedi!!!I mean I would never want to leave that decision up to a 14 year old, when your 14 you'd do anything to fit in with the older teenagers, whether you know it or not and the fact the a 14 year old kid can fuck a 19 year old and the parents can't do a fucking thing about it is sick!! How the hell would you feel if you had a kid who just turned 14 and the most important thing your worried about is if they are fitting in at school and next thing you know they say " Oh umm, I'm pregnant/ I got a girl pregnant." If you had a daughter and some 19 year old knocked her up, you would want the son-of-a-bitch put in jail for what he did, but it's LEGAL!!! What if your daughter was born on December 31, so she's a really young 14, and that asshole is born on January 2. That means if he knocks her up on January 1st, it's legal!!!
the next worst thing is if the girl says she's older than she is, or lets the guy assume she's older then she is, then what?? Then, if he has a good lawyer, he gets off!Hell, the lawyer doesn't even have to be that good! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm relating any of this to what I did, but I still think it's wrong and I still think any 14 year old who has sex that young and even if she doesn't get pregnant or anything like that, will still regret it!
I have another point. I am technically allowed to date an 80 year old. If you are 14 you can date up to a 19 year old, and if you are 17 you can date up to any age. And, if my parents agree, I could marry an 80 year old!!, One the fucking sick, and two, I'm sure its happened once! I don't' necessarily think it has happened between a 17 and 80 year old, but I wouldn't be surprised if an 18 or 1 year old married any age above them whether it be through an arranged marriage( yes they happen in Canada) or if it was for " love".
I think Canada seriously needs to revise it's laws. It's like this:
The legal drinking age in Canada is 19, and kids start drinking when they're about 15/16 on average ( that taking into account those who (a) never drink, (b) don't drink till they are 19+)
The legal consent age in Canada is 14(to 19)/17(to adult) and honestly, on average what really happens is 12(to any age they want)/ 16 (to any age they want) .
If they honestly didn't want people to drink until they 19, I hate to say it but, take the states lead . Their legal drinking age is 21 and the kids don't even start drinking till about 18. So if we really didn't want people to start drinking until they were 19, make the age 22. That's just the way it is. In Japan I believe it 21 or 22 and it's the same deal as the states, the kids don't even start thinking about it until they are about 18/19.
So my thought is:
Make the legal age of consent 18 across the board, unless the people are the same age. I may want it to be 18 all stop, but if the people are the same age at least the peer pressure is technically lower. This way it probably going to start about age 15.
Well I've had my good rant now and I'm actually feeling a lot better!!
Finished 3:01 pm, wow that really was a great was to use up time, only half an hour to go!
It makes me want to write a whole poem to follow it.
Lets try, huh?...I'm sure I won't do that quite profound statement justice but let's just see.
I'll meet you 'round the bend my friend, where hearts can heal and souls can mend
Where all your troubles drift away, and there is nothing bad to say
You can find happiness where it's trouble free, around the bend there with me
I won't let harm come to you, I'll keep you safe and keep you new
No one will hurt you, or scream, or scare you
Around the bend, where you are free
So I'll meet you 'round the bend my friend, where hearts can heal and souls can mend
Well there we go, I didn't really read it over, and I made it up on the spot, but I tryed my best to convey my feelings of where that place might be. For me it's a little hotel in Mexico thats I visited when I was there and the courtyard in the middle of the hotel was truly picture perfect. It was heaven like, and when I think of a place I could go to "heal" my soul, that's it.
Where is it for you?
I want to go to a party tomorrow, and I very much doubt my mom will let me go if I don't go to school tomorrow. I really do need to go to sleep, so I can get up tomorrow and go to school, and convince my mom I'm feeling better, and go to this party tomorrow.
Just remembered I need to pick up sausage rolls tomorrow, for Sunday, and need to remind my mom to pick up a two liter of pop, and two cans of frozen juice.
Ahh, frozen juice, just remembered something about frozen juice. When Mo, freind of Dom's, was here over the holidays, he was quite taken aback by frozen juice. He had never seen it before! Can you imagine going your whole life (well up until 18 at least) and never having seen something as simple as frozen juice??I mean the Eiffel Tower I can understand. Never seeing the White house sure. But never seeing frozen juice, now that takes talent!
Some of the thoughts running through my head:
I can not wait until the 20th. It's not a "can't wait" excited, it's more a "can't wait, because I don't actually don't want to go, but I know I have to do this". I have to go to my GAP interview. I have to go and look chirpy, and delightful. I have to go and be interesting, and insightful. I have go and do all this, while also looking amazing and worrying about what ever homework I'm falling behind on already (even though by then I'll have only been back in school for 7 day (including the one I missed today, where I probably missed even more work, and notes!!) I am so nervous for this interview. I think subconsciously, I've weighed it with the same importance and being appointed the next pope!! I have this idea in my head. If I don't get this GAP year I will live in Tsawwassen all my life!!Tsawwassen is not a place you live your whole life!!It's a place you grow up in, and then come back to once your married and want to raise your family. I will go to Langara Collage, and MAYBE get some sort of degree. I'll go for a job somewhere, and be shafted over someone who was smart enough in grade 12 to get into UBC!I won't make enough money to live in Tsawwassen and who says I'll ever get a husband and be able to raise a family??I will live close to work wherever that may be and die alone with my cats!
That's what I have in my mind of my life if I don't get this GAP year!!
I want to go to this party tomorrow might, but there is going to be someone at that party, who I like but is desperately in love someone else to a sickening degree!, I hate to name name's on this, but I guess I can give hints. If you know me then guess you'll figure it out. He's from England, but he doesn't live with me. I don't know what I'm doing even thinking about him, madness I know, I don't know what to do? It's not like I'm in love with him ( far from) but when you think someone's God looking and the personality is good too, but their involved with someone, it's hurts even more then them rejecting you, because you can't tell them, but you can't really be around them because you can't help liking them, I mean I like him, but I'd NEVER tell him, and Being around him is the worst, because it's not like I'm love struck, but it's tough, because I know there is always someone better then me, and that's who he is with. That's going to be hard. When you like someone like that, it's uncomfortable to be around him, but, you want to be around him nonetheless.
I have and English essay and math homework that need to be done in time for their respective classes tomorrow, and they are not done. I'm going to have to talk to Ms. Masson tomorrow about my math exam, and that is going to suck, I mean I got 60% but it's never good enough, for me or her or my mom. I also have a Friday detention tomorrow, which I don't deserve! I know what they make the guys do ( pick up garbage, and rake and do garden work etc., but I've never seen a girl on a friday before, and I don't know what I'm going to be doing? I could be good and go ,a or I could skip out on it and go home at 2 o'clock, but I really need Mr. McCall to say good things about me in case the GAP people call him, because he runs GAP at our school. I need to be on my best behavior!! The next few months are going to kill me!! Correction the next 158 days are going to kill me!!!
And the final thought that's driving me nuts!!:
It's 2:30 in the fucking morning and I'm supposed to be up in 4 hours and at school in 6!! What the hell am I doing, I have unbelievable insomnia, I need sleeping pills or something!!
Also, for those of you who don't know, there is an easy and interesting way to learn/remember who to spell Tsawwassen
It's a sentence:
Two silly Australians wadled and walked across a slippery street entirely nude.
Easy huh?Amazing I know!
Good Night, wish me luck!!!
Time finished: 2:36 am.
You know what the funnest game ever is? I will tell you!
Go to the airport and pick your victum. What you do is wave at that person from across the airport and then gesture to them to come over to you, and then go sit down at a table with your back to them. If your lucky, they'll come over like they know you. This is when you act confused! You say "oh no, I wasn't waving at you" but don't say who you were waving too. Then look beyond the person, in the originalish dirction, and wave again, but make sure there is no-one there, wave to no-one. They will be so confused. Just wave, motion to the "person", and sit there again with you back to the "person" again, have a book or something. If the real person trys to talk to you, completly ignore them, like they aren't making any noise AT ALL! They will go crazy!! If they try to sit at your table or anything, you can do one of two things. One: SCREAM! You crushed him!!! when they get up run over to the chair they were sitting on and just cry over it, like they killed a tiny tiny little friend of yours! Two: Just politly say that seat it taken, but act like they are a completly new person, like you've never seen them before. If they don't get up(because they are probably trying to piss you off by now) tell them again, and then wait a little bit. Then look over your shoulder, at no-one and say son\mething like " hey!, sorry umm this guy/girl won't get out of your seat??" Wait for a response." I know , I know, Well i don't know what to do either???" Then you can carry it on as long as you want. I usually end mine by getting up and going to another table, saying something like " Fine you can have it!" or I just walk away talling to the "person" and walk away till the other person can't see me anymore.
Finished at 7:03, January 13!
Normally my titles only ever refer to my first paragraph and I would hate to disappiont.
I watched the movie "House of Sand and Fog". I cried in it. Now, I've only ever cried at one other movie, and quite honestly it's embarassing to tell, so I won't. Anyways, I cried during this movie, it was so sad! I actaully had tears running down my face. I'm not really a girly girl AT ALL!( if you know me you know this fact to be true above all else!) but I was crying! I actually had emotion toward a movie! I wish I'd seen earlier, I think it's one of my favorite movies now!
Life right now is sorta messed up a little. Everything is going along, and nothing right now is in danger of colapsing in on it's self, but it's just sort of different. Soon everything will be different, and it's really scary to know that you cnan't do a damn thing about it and everything that you have been doing for the past 12 years, everything that you have been doing since you were 7, is now going to change! You don't know if its for the better!!
"Oh well, 20/20 hindsight eh? Haha!"
If I heard that, I just want to deck the person who said it! Of course I know I just made a mistake, that why I'm in THIS mood, that why I don't want to talk to right now, and that's why I Don't want a silly little expression summing up all my problems with everyone else's. Who says my problems can't be individual? Sometimes I just want my problems to be the WORST in the world. Don't get me wrong, I know that is a lot of hurt and a lot of anguish in this world. I know people are dying everyday! I know it's not fair for them and they should have been given a better draw in life, but they didn't, and that sucks too! Here's my thought though. Why can't my problems, for if only a split second, be bad? How come I have to dull down my pain or my anguish because I'm a WASC( White Anglo-Saxon Catholic).Just because I speak English, why do I have to cover up my pain? Now I sound like a spoiled little witch, but I don't think I am. Everyone deserves a few key things in life, so that they can say they have truly lived a full life.
1) Their 15 minutes of fame.
2) A time when they're poor.( they can take charity or not, that is not a judge of character for the one who takes the charity, but for the one who gives it.)
3) A time when they're rich. ( To see if they have it in them to receive the good things in life, but not lose sight of their own personal goals.)
4) a death.( this may sound a little cryptic, but I think is is FUNDAMENTAL to growing up and living. If your mother, grandmother, great aunt or hamster dies, how do you feel, and how do you deal with it?Knowing what how you deal with death is a tell-a-tale sign of how you deal with loss.)
5)When they are hurting, someone to care fully.( no matter who they are or where they are from, or what they have done, everyone deserves some one to care for them. If they are sick, they deserve someone to come and make them soup. If they stubbed they toe, they deserve someone to take 5 minutes out of there life and get them sitting, and a warm drink.If they are dying, no matter what they did in they're life, they deserve someone to listen to them, it doesn't have to be family, they just deserve someone.)
These are my thoughts.
I love and hate those days you do nothing of consequence. I love them because you sit all day, and you have nothing you have to get done, so you do 'stuff'.But I hate them because by the end of the day you feel guilty for not doing something productive. I feel like I just wasted a day I didn't have before to get stuff done.I wasted a day I was given. On the other hand I sometimes feel like it was a mental health day, where overall I lowered my stress levels and and completed small tasks that didn't really need to be dine, but once they are they' are out of sight out of mind. I'll call them mental health days!
Finished at 10:43 pm.
I LOVE THEM. They make the world seem like its an okay place to be, and they do it all in formal gowns! I mean I guess it's kinda sad how in the end Marilyn Monroe was left in the gutters, and a complete alcoholic, and I actually don't know what happened to Miss. Hepburn, but I hope it was ok...? Anybody know? ( I Just found out so I'm adding it in here, very sad she died of colon cancer in 1993. How upsetting!)
I know its wrong of me but I'm happy Dom and Mo had a bad New Years, they left Vanessa and I High and Dry, Up creek without a Paddle, In a tree with no ladder, you get the idea! I know they said the couldn't leave the two Georges, but who cares, what kind of friends are they, making your friend sit with you in a vegetarian restaurant, not even knowing when midnight is...And making him listen to the two love birds proclaim their love, stating how much they are going to love each other in the new year! Then George has the nerve to call me up today and ask me for the address to this stupid swing dancing place, and he doesn't even apologize for making me go into downtown last night with just Vanessa ( even though I had a good time, he didn't know that, he didn't even ask!!!) So wut now am I like his emergency phone call in Vancouver, will he next have a card on him that says in case of emergency call this number, and its me...If he gets arrested, will I be he damn one phone call, well I hope not, because I'd probably hang up! But I wouldn't and he and everybody else knows it, a New years resolution is to be more assertive, less aggressive, but its not going to last, you care for people, you take care of them and your nice to them, and the y fucking walk all over you...Even the normally spineless ones kick the shit outta your kindness and leave you to die!
Well who cares about them, all of them, they can go home for all I care, and I know I said I would never retract a post on my blog ( or maybe I just thought it ) but I won't sensor myself, I won't feel this way forever, but I fucking do right now! Its not like i expect them to be my friend, and I do doubt they would pick me as a friend if they could, but no need to be sooo disregarding!!
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1) Less Swearing--well thats going to be hard!
2) Exersise more--not something I'm looking forward too.
3) Less hitting--but it's so easy!
4) Be more assertive, and stand up for my opinions--thats going to be the hardest, but i think its the MOST important!
((( 5) (a samll unimportane one) next new years, don't be alone!)))
Ended at 1:51 am