At School

So I'm at school right now and wow am I bored. I get off school ( classes ) at 2: 10 and now I have to wait until 3:30 till I have to go to an Annie practice. I'm doing the costumes for my school's presentation of Annie, and I have bad feeling I'm a little over my head. I think I can get it all done, but I'm literally going to have to spent every spare minute on it once I get started. I really hope I don't mess this up horribly, because I would really like to put this experience to my name and be proud of it. I would defiantly consider a career in costumes for the theater, or movies. I think I would really enjoy that and I think it would always be new and interesting. As for tight now I really should be working on my biology, I mean its only the second week back and I'm already falling behind a little. I was sick on the first Tuesday back for goodness sakes!!

I also have a confession to make and I'm not sure if I want to say this, but I guess I could operate on the theory and everything about me is me and the truth, so I should say it ( although operating on the theory of don't ask don't tell also works!!) Anyways, I went to a party on Friday and I made out with a 24 year old and I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to date any guys more than 3 years older than me and that's a stretch! Also, I actually don't really like making out, I don't see what all the fuss about it is?? I guess I'm just seriously fucked up!! But, we all knew that already!So anyways, this guy was 7 when I was born and even though it doesn't really make a difference when your older I defiantly think it does when your 17 and 24! I also have to comment on the legal age of consent. Has anyone EVER met a 14 year old who is sound of mind enough to judge between a decent person (up to the age of 19) and the kind of person who but the time they are 19 and still like 14 year olds should be called a pedi!!!I mean I would never want to leave that decision up to a 14 year old, when your 14 you'd do anything to fit in with the older teenagers, whether you know it or not and the fact the a 14 year old kid can fuck a 19 year old and the parents can't do a fucking thing about it is sick!! How the hell would you feel if you had a kid who just turned 14 and the most important thing your worried about is if they are fitting in at school and next thing you know they say " Oh umm, I'm pregnant/ I got a girl pregnant." If you had a daughter and some 19 year old knocked her up, you would want the son-of-a-bitch put in jail for what he did, but it's LEGAL!!! What if your daughter was born on December 31, so she's a really young 14, and that asshole is born on January 2. That means if he knocks her up on January 1st, it's legal!!!
the next worst thing is if the girl says she's older than she is, or lets the guy assume she's older then she is, then what?? Then, if he has a good lawyer, he gets off!Hell, the lawyer doesn't even have to be that good! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm relating any of this to what I did, but I still think it's wrong and I still think any 14 year old who has sex that young and even if she doesn't get pregnant or anything like that, will still regret it!
I have another point. I am technically allowed to date an 80 year old. If you are 14 you can date up to a 19 year old, and if you are 17 you can date up to any age. And, if my parents agree, I could marry an 80 year old!!, One the fucking sick, and two, I'm sure its happened once! I don't' necessarily think it has happened between a 17 and 80 year old, but I wouldn't be surprised if an 18 or 1 year old married any age above them whether it be through an arranged marriage( yes they happen in Canada) or if it was for " love".

I think Canada seriously needs to revise it's laws. It's like this:

The legal drinking age in Canada is 19, and kids start drinking when they're about 15/16 on average ( that taking into account those who (a) never drink, (b) don't drink till they are 19+)

The legal consent age in Canada is 14(to 19)/17(to adult) and honestly, on average what really happens is 12(to any age they want)/ 16 (to any age they want) .

If they honestly didn't want people to drink until they 19, I hate to say it but, take the states lead . Their legal drinking age is 21 and the kids don't even start drinking till about 18. So if we really didn't want people to start drinking until they were 19, make the age 22. That's just the way it is. In Japan I believe it 21 or 22 and it's the same deal as the states, the kids don't even start thinking about it until they are about 18/19.

So my thought is:
Make the legal age of consent 18 across the board, unless the people are the same age. I may want it to be 18 all stop, but if the people are the same age at least the peer pressure is technically lower. This way it probably going to start about age 15.

Well I've had my good rant now and I'm actually feeling a lot better!!

Finished 3:01 pm, wow that really was a great was to use up time, only half an hour to go!

I Just Saw This

... I'll meet you 'round the bend my friend, where hearts can heal and souls can mend...

It makes me want to write a whole poem to follow it.

Lets try, huh?...I'm sure I won't do that quite profound statement justice but let's just see.

I'll meet you 'round the bend my friend, where hearts can heal and souls can mend
Where all your troubles drift away, and there is nothing bad to say
You can find happiness where it's trouble free, around the bend there with me
I won't let harm come to you, I'll keep you safe and keep you new
No one will hurt you, or scream, or scare you
Around the bend, where you are free
So I'll meet you 'round the bend my friend, where hearts can heal and souls can mend

Well there we go, I didn't really read it over, and I made it up on the spot, but I tryed my best to convey my feelings of where that place might be. For me it's a little hotel in Mexico thats I visited when I was there and the courtyard in the middle of the hotel was truly picture perfect. It was heaven like, and when I think of a place I could go to "heal" my soul, that's it.

Where is it for you?

Can't sleep

It's 1 in the morning and I have school tomorrow. I was home today, and I slept the whole day, and I am still tired, but I have a million and one thoughts running through my head, and I think I'm going to go crazy before I can fall asleep.
I want to go to a party tomorrow, and I very much doubt my mom will let me go if I don't go to school tomorrow. I really do need to go to sleep, so I can get up tomorrow and go to school, and convince my mom I'm feeling better, and go to this party tomorrow.
Just remembered I need to pick up sausage rolls tomorrow, for Sunday, and need to remind my mom to pick up a two liter of pop, and two cans of frozen juice.
Ahh, frozen juice, just remembered something about frozen juice. When Mo, freind of Dom's, was here over the holidays, he was quite taken aback by frozen juice. He had never seen it before! Can you imagine going your whole life (well up until 18 at least) and never having seen something as simple as frozen juice??I mean the Eiffel Tower I can understand. Never seeing the White house sure. But never seeing frozen juice, now that takes talent!
Some of the thoughts running through my head:

I can not wait until the 20th. It's not a "can't wait" excited, it's more a "can't wait, because I don't actually don't want to go, but I know I have to do this". I have to go to my GAP interview. I have to go and look chirpy, and delightful. I have to go and be interesting, and insightful. I have go and do all this, while also looking amazing and worrying about what ever homework I'm falling behind on already (even though by then I'll have only been back in school for 7 day (including the one I missed today, where I probably missed even more work, and notes!!) I am so nervous for this interview. I think subconsciously, I've weighed it with the same importance and being appointed the next pope!! I have this idea in my head. If I don't get this GAP year I will live in Tsawwassen all my life!!Tsawwassen is not a place you live your whole life!!It's a place you grow up in, and then come back to once your married and want to raise your family. I will go to Langara Collage, and MAYBE get some sort of degree. I'll go for a job somewhere, and be shafted over someone who was smart enough in grade 12 to get into UBC!I won't make enough money to live in Tsawwassen and who says I'll ever get a husband and be able to raise a family??I will live close to work wherever that may be and die alone with my cats!
That's what I have in my mind of my life if I don't get this GAP year!!

I want to go to this party tomorrow might, but there is going to be someone at that party, who I like but is desperately in love someone else to a sickening degree!, I hate to name name's on this, but I guess I can give hints. If you know me then guess you'll figure it out. He's from England, but he doesn't live with me. I don't know what I'm doing even thinking about him, madness I know, I don't know what to do? It's not like I'm in love with him ( far from) but when you think someone's God looking and the personality is good too, but their involved with someone, it's hurts even more then them rejecting you, because you can't tell them, but you can't really be around them because you can't help liking them, I mean I like him, but I'd NEVER tell him, and Being around him is the worst, because it's not like I'm love struck, but it's tough, because I know there is always someone better then me, and that's who he is with. That's going to be hard. When you like someone like that, it's uncomfortable to be around him, but, you want to be around him nonetheless.

I have and English essay and math homework that need to be done in time for their respective classes tomorrow, and they are not done. I'm going to have to talk to Ms. Masson tomorrow about my math exam, and that is going to suck, I mean I got 60% but it's never good enough, for me or her or my mom. I also have a Friday detention tomorrow, which I don't deserve! I know what they make the guys do ( pick up garbage, and rake and do garden work etc., but I've never seen a girl on a friday before, and I don't know what I'm going to be doing? I could be good and go ,a or I could skip out on it and go home at 2 o'clock, but I really need Mr. McCall to say good things about me in case the GAP people call him, because he runs GAP at our school. I need to be on my best behavior!! The next few months are going to kill me!! Correction the next 158 days are going to kill me!!!

And the final thought that's driving me nuts!!:
It's 2:30 in the fucking morning and I'm supposed to be up in 4 hours and at school in 6!! What the hell am I doing, I have unbelievable insomnia, I need sleeping pills or something!!

Also, for those of you who don't know, there is an easy and interesting way to learn/remember who to spell Tsawwassen
W-(and) Walked
S-(a) Slippery
It's a sentence:
Two silly Australians wadled and walked across a slippery street entirely nude.
Easy huh?Amazing I know!
Good Night, wish me luck!!!

Time finished: 2:36 am.

First days back.

I don't think I'm giving myself the best environment to go back to school after the winter holidays. During the holidays you go to sleep at midnight and get up at 1 in the afternoon. now all of a sudden I'm forcing my body to wake up a 6 in the morning, but I still can get to sleep until like 1 in the morning. Needless to say I crashed! I always do, I do to much, to fast, and to early in the morning, and my immune system dies! Today I got up at 8 o'clock, and went back to sleep. I was woken up my my phone ringing at 2 (damn telmarketers!!) and went back to sleep! Then at about 5 I woken up again by my bother and my mom talking, and this time I decided to wake up and walk around a little, I'm till up now ( it's 5:57 ) but god damn am I tired!! I think I'm going to go strait back to sleep again after the O.C. at nine! I will hopefully make it back to school by tomorrow, although I don't know why I would want too. It's not like I like school, and besides like three people, I don't really like my class, and lets face it people, it's school! Oh well, only 159 more days till closing cermonies and my "graduation ceremony" yeha thats right I'm counting down the days. but wait theres more!!!147 days till my 18th birthday, and ( if I get a GAP year, and I figure I'll be leaving about the 14th) 224 days till then. I know sad, pathetic, and freakishly organized in one!!


You know what the funnest game ever is? I will tell you!

Go to the airport and pick your victum. What you do is wave at that person from across the airport and then gesture to them to come over to you, and then go sit down at a table with your back to them. If your lucky, they'll come over like they know you. This is when you act confused! You say "oh no, I wasn't waving at you" but don't say who you were waving too. Then look beyond the person, in the originalish dirction, and wave again, but make sure there is no-one there, wave to no-one. They will be so confused. Just wave, motion to the "person", and sit there again with you back to the "person" again, have a book or something. If the real person trys to talk to you, completly ignore them, like they aren't making any noise AT ALL! They will go crazy!! If they try to sit at your table or anything, you can do one of two things. One: SCREAM! You crushed him!!! when they get up run over to the chair they were sitting on and just cry over it, like they killed a tiny tiny little friend of yours! Two: Just politly say that seat it taken, but act like they are a completly new person, like you've never seen them before. If they don't get up(because they are probably trying to piss you off by now) tell them again, and then wait a little bit. Then look over your shoulder, at no-one and say son\mething like " hey!, sorry umm this guy/girl won't get out of your seat??" Wait for a response." I know , I know, Well i don't know what to do either???" Then you can carry it on as long as you want. I usually end mine by getting up and going to another table, saying something like " Fine you can have it!" or I just walk away talling to the "person" and walk away till the other person can't see me anymore.

Finished at 7:03, January 13!

Life right now

I go back to school soon. I have one more day of freedom. More importantly I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. When I had the tests( an ECG) done right after I got off for break The lady said it was nothing to worry about, and I had almost forgotten. Then about half a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night, and i literally could not move! My chest was killing me and I could hardly breath! It was a little scary! anyways, that next day I phoned the Quack and I'm going in tomorrow for the results. I guess they are okay, because they didn't ask me to come in right away. I'm still a little worried about them though. I never like to go to the doctors with someone, I prefer to go on my own, and I am tomorrow, but I hope its not bad news, becuase I couldn't take that alone. Oh well, I'm sure I'm fine, I dont think I'm dying. Yet.

Normally my titles only ever refer to my first paragraph and I would hate to disappiont.

I watched the movie "House of Sand and Fog". I cried in it. Now, I've only ever cried at one other movie, and quite honestly it's embarassing to tell, so I won't. Anyways, I cried during this movie, it was so sad! I actaully had tears running down my face. I'm not really a girly girl AT ALL!( if you know me you know this fact to be true above all else!) but I was crying! I actually had emotion toward a movie! I wish I'd seen earlier, I think it's one of my favorite movies now!

Life right now is sorta messed up a little. Everything is going along, and nothing right now is in danger of colapsing in on it's self, but it's just sort of different. Soon everything will be different, and it's really scary to know that you cnan't do a damn thing about it and everything that you have been doing for the past 12 years, everything that you have been doing since you were 7, is now going to change! You don't know if its for the better!!

20/20 Hindsight

While the expression "20/20 Hindsight" is true, it's also very aggravating. If you just made the biggest mistake of your life, or if you forgot to pick up the drycleaning (that simple act resulting in a fight between you and another) the LAST thing you ever want to hear is:
"Oh well, 20/20 hindsight eh? Haha!"
If I heard that, I just want to deck the person who said it! Of course I know I just made a mistake, that why I'm in THIS mood, that why I don't want to talk to right now, and that's why I Don't want a silly little expression summing up all my problems with everyone else's. Who says my problems can't be individual? Sometimes I just want my problems to be the WORST in the world. Don't get me wrong, I know that is a lot of hurt and a lot of anguish in this world. I know people are dying everyday! I know it's not fair for them and they should have been given a better draw in life, but they didn't, and that sucks too! Here's my thought though. Why can't my problems, for if only a split second, be bad? How come I have to dull down my pain or my anguish because I'm a WASC( White Anglo-Saxon Catholic).Just because I speak English, why do I have to cover up my pain? Now I sound like a spoiled little witch, but I don't think I am. Everyone deserves a few key things in life, so that they can say they have truly lived a full life.
1) Their 15 minutes of fame.
2) A time when they're poor.( they can take charity or not, that is not a judge of character for the one who takes the charity, but for the one who gives it.)
3) A time when they're rich. ( To see if they have it in them to receive the good things in life, but not lose sight of their own personal goals.)
4) a death.( this may sound a little cryptic, but I think is is FUNDAMENTAL to growing up and living. If your mother, grandmother, great aunt or hamster dies, how do you feel, and how do you deal with it?Knowing what how you deal with death is a tell-a-tale sign of how you deal with loss.)
5)When they are hurting, someone to care fully.( no matter who they are or where they are from, or what they have done, everyone deserves some one to care for them. If they are sick, they deserve someone to come and make them soup. If they stubbed they toe, they deserve someone to take 5 minutes out of there life and get them sitting, and a warm drink.If they are dying, no matter what they did in they're life, they deserve someone to listen to them, it doesn't have to be family, they just deserve someone.)

These are my thoughts.

I love and hate those days you do nothing of consequence. I love them because you sit all day, and you have nothing you have to get done, so you do 'stuff'.But I hate them because by the end of the day you feel guilty for not doing something productive. I feel like I just wasted a day I didn't have before to get stuff done.I wasted a day I was given. On the other hand I sometimes feel like it was a mental health day, where overall I lowered my stress levels and and completed small tasks that didn't really need to be dine, but once they are they' are out of sight out of mind. I'll call them mental health days!

Finished at 10:43 pm.

The Classics

I love the Classics...movies I mean, they are all absolutely wonderful darling! With Aurdry, and Marilyn and all of them! They make holding a cat kissing the poor man you love, in the rain, look GLAMOROUS! They make eating in a deli GLAMOROUS! They make everything look wonderful! I love them! That's something I really need to stress this I love them. It's like " Breakfast at Tiffany's" everywhere though, in that movie and in all the other old movies.
I LOVE THEM. They make the world seem like its an okay place to be, and they do it all in formal gowns! I mean I guess it's kinda sad how in the end Marilyn Monroe was left in the gutters, and a complete alcoholic, and I actually don't know what happened to Miss. Hepburn, but I hope it was ok...? Anybody know? ( I Just found out so I'm adding it in here, very sad she died of colon cancer in 1993. How upsetting!)

I know its wrong of me but I'm happy Dom and Mo had a bad New Years, they left Vanessa and I High and Dry, Up creek without a Paddle, In a tree with no ladder, you get the idea! I know they said the couldn't leave the two Georges, but who cares, what kind of friends are they, making your friend sit with you in a vegetarian restaurant, not even knowing when midnight is...And making him listen to the two love birds proclaim their love, stating how much they are going to love each other in the new year! Then George has the nerve to call me up today and ask me for the address to this stupid swing dancing place, and he doesn't even apologize for making me go into downtown last night with just Vanessa ( even though I had a good time, he didn't know that, he didn't even ask!!!) So wut now am I like his emergency phone call in Vancouver, will he next have a card on him that says in case of emergency call this number, and its me...If he gets arrested, will I be he damn one phone call, well I hope not, because I'd probably hang up! But I wouldn't and he and everybody else knows it, a New years resolution is to be more assertive, less aggressive, but its not going to last, you care for people, you take care of them and your nice to them, and the y fucking walk all over you...Even the normally spineless ones kick the shit outta your kindness and leave you to die!
Well who cares about them, all of them, they can go home for all I care, and I know I said I would never retract a post on my blog ( or maybe I just thought it ) but I won't sensor myself, I won't feel this way forever, but I fucking do right now! Its not like i expect them to be my friend, and I do doubt they would pick me as a friend if they could, but no need to be sooo disregarding!!



1) Less Swearing--well thats going to be hard!

2) Exersise more--not something I'm looking forward too.

3) Less hitting--but it's so easy!

4) Be more assertive, and stand up for my opinions--thats going to be the hardest, but i think its the MOST important!

((( 5) (a samll unimportane one) next new years, don't be alone!)))

Ended at 1:51 am