Monday Evening

Well I'm just going over my last week in my head and I just realized something... I can hardly remember Thursday night. I remember walking with **** ******* ( I protect those who don't know know they are on here) and then I don't but theres other stuff I remember too. I had fun... I think?
You can ask me about that stuff .
Its wierd because its totally messed up ( my memories are in a different order)
I do remember him asking me how much I had had to drink and I said not much but I guess that was a lie ( I had lost track)
he was laughing at me trying to balance on the beam (that was sad!)
good *mile
good *ody
great *ody and *mile
(Friends can ask about the *'s)
we walked to get the car and I remember "lets take this thing for a joy ride!"
then we got back to the school (in between there is a blur????Oops?)
then the a-hole returned its like "my public is watching!!"(I have to show off!
so annoying!
I'm not angry he broke my earrings, and he did feel bad about it
Theres something wrong with **** ( someone else) right Helen
ever since he got back, he's been different, scarier. Like he gonna snap. Its really scary!I don't think I'm gonna spend much time with him anymore .
well I'm done, if this was just way to out there and your confused email/message/call me/or leave a comment

Sunday Morning

So my cousins are getting a guy coming from Germany today and god I just want to stop time so I can enjoy this summer more. I didn't really do that at all. I worked with my dad and made some money, and I did other stuff too, but nothing really of consequence. Nothing to write home about, nothing that would bring down the great wall of china. I have no idea what I'm gonna do after highschool, and I'm never gonna get a date!
I basically just summed up all my lifes problems into one little paragraph. Doesn't that just make me feel insignificant!
So I'm just about to go to church where I can forget about all these problems, sit in the back and be ignored for an hour. I love it! No responsibility for an hour, no nagging for an hour, just me and my crazy fucked up thoughts, its a great place to sort out your problems.
My mom won't be "concerned" for one hour! Recently she gets worked up about things so easily! Like if Helen hits me in the head when I'm sleeping ( no big deal?, she's always done it, its a risk I take when staying over) but my mom literally says" oh honey you better put a stop to that, it could be dangerous!" like it could cause so serious brain damage??Yeah right, get a life!!!
It's driving me nuts!
You know I was considering going on that youth with a mission thing, but now I just don't know because they are a lot more CHRISTian than I am. I don't think I would fit in with that crowd? Joel did it and he is way more CHRISTian than I am. He goes to Baptist! Ahhh! Not that there's anything wrong with that but there's just a big difference between Baptist and Catholic. Catholic are a lot ...quieter about their faith, I don't know if I would paticularly enjoy it? Advice anyone?


Long time again as usual

i know that most of my blogs are few and far between and then even when i do write in it not a lot comes out because i can never remeber wut has happened to me since my last blog
point form:
##mosquito went in my eye yesterday
##got on horse today for first time in a long time and he was rearing and i threw my back out a little ~~ ouch!!
##am working on my typing skills (not so good as you can see) lol
##just killed a big bug eww!
##am checking my email religiously to see if i get an email from a cirtain someone( any one who knows me knows who im talking about
##two japanese exchange students are coming on monday( wednesday now)
##after them i have a GAP student coming from England to stay for the whole year( undecided if im happy about that or not?)
##really stupidly pining after ' someone' and even though im even starting to piss myself off about it i can't help it, i thought i was over him but then i saw a few things that reminded me of him and i was totally into it all again. i think the worst part about it is the rejection, i dont know if the rejection is him honestly just not liking me that way or if its kind of like reverse psyc. like if he really does like me but is trying to hide it. im almost cirtain that if i ever went out with him it would end in heart break for me because he's just so controlled my his mother ( by the way its not like hes a mama's boy i mean he still lives at home but he's only 18 and im 17, not as bad as it sounds) and his mom does not like me, well actually she dosn't like any female between the ages of 15 and 20! she's just that kind of mom. i know i would get hurt but that just dosent seem to stop me, in fact its almost like that's making me go on, i just want to know what it would be like with him, good or bad? while he's away i miss him but i dont know if i even want to see him when he gets back, if ill even be able to handle it. i can hear my friends voices in my head, " if he dosn't throw his arms around you the moment he sees you, tell you he loves you, and then stick his fucking tounge down your fucking throat, than fuck him!" thats a mixture of about 5 different people but you get the idea. the long and the short of it is he dosn't want me, i mean we're good friends( not great but good) cuz we both have the same sick and twisted sense of humour, and we're not exactly the same so we're good oppisites, but i guess i just have to come to terms with it that he won't ever like me that way, i think if i can start to deal with that then i think we could become really great friends, he makes me laugh( and hey you never know, he might be gay...judging from one of his ex's( a little butch) maybe???LOL)
well those are my thoughts? scary eh?