It recently came to my attention that a friend of mine
somehow found my blog. It was unclear while we were yelling at each other over
a table at a Mardi Gras party how she came across it, and the two jell-o shots
we had just slurped up didn't help clear it up, but nonetheless she found it.
I was surprised and little embarrassed. while I don’t think
there is anything on here that I have to be embarrassed about (although a committed
sleuth could prove me wrong), but it made me realize I haven't written anything
on here in over a year! A lot of things have happened over the past year, and
lot of my life remains largely the same. Those in my family, circle of friends,
and periphery have had life changing events, and some have found their groove,
enjoying the simplicity of knowing exactly what the next few years of their
lives will bring.
Thinking about this blog, I realized I'm not entirely sure
why I started it. My first post was all the way back in 2003, consisted of a
sad excuse for a sentence, and God help me ended with 'BYEZ'. It has been
viewed by a whole... well, zero people. It’s a beautiful representation of the
life of a teenaged girl from 2003 Tsawwassen.
In my friend group in high-school, those with something
to say started a blog hoping anyone and everyone would listen. I had neither anything
to say, nor people to listen. This apparently didn't seem faze me as I continued
to write intermittent posts for the better part of 2003 and 2004. I discovered
post titles and a general theme to a post fairly quickly, but it’s still
unclear why I was even doing it. I reference what I can only imagine are teenage
crushes, so vague and nonchalantly, the best cryptographers wouldn’t be able to
figure out who I was talking about, and quite frankly, wouldn’t care.
I started trying to bring some kind of interest in at some
point by citing a Word of the Day, poached from Dictionary.com. There was quite
a gap during my GAP year (sorry for the pun, it couldn’t be avoided), and I
tried to start again when I got home. There were so many experiences I had
while I was in England, so many amazing people I met, and a few I no desire to meet
again. I can only imagine I was so busy processing it all, I never got a chance
to write it down. I am only the tapestry of those experiences and lessons
learned, and cannot go back in time I relive them.
2006 and 2007 were okay, and I literally didn’t post once in
2008. My first post in 2009 was in July, which would have been 2 months after
my dad passed away. I don't mention it all in the post, but it's pretty obvious
I got some real shit going on in my head.
Sporadic posts followed into 2009 and 2010, two whole posts
in 2011 and flurry of writing briefly reigned in 2012, where I started my
'designing' sign-off. (read: A 10 whole posts, almost one a month).
2013 to 2016 saw 10 posts over 3 years, and I completely
ignored my 10 year anniversary of even having this blog, although I think that’s
for the best as it's not the best representation of my commitment, writing
skills, or desire to stick to one thing for any extended period of time.
These on again, off again whirlwinds of writing give me a
few hints to my hesitation behind writing down my thoughts and feelings in such
a public setting. I refuse to be venerable to outside world. I always have. I
won't cry or break down in public. I rarely freak out or yell. I wouldn't be
surprised if clutching onto my feelings like this is in some part the cause of
the terrible migraines I get, or if one day I might snap, but for right now,
that’s neither here nor there. I don't know why I started doing it, and I
suppose I could delve into my sub-conscience or childhood to figure it out, but
I'm okay for now. That trait is a part of me.
So, what, you may ask, is all this leading to? The answer, I
have no freaking idea. In writing this post, I have certainly remembered how
much I love writing, and absolutely want to get back to it. I don't know what
it will look like, what I will write, and who will read it, but stay tuned, you
might even get a few wise words out me yet. This is, if I reviewed my previous posts correctly, the third time I've said I should, or want, or will write here more often. Let's see if it sticks this time.
designing... well... my life, what ever that may be
Anna Felicity
No comments:
Post a Comment