Long time again as usual

i know that most of my blogs are few and far between and then even when i do write in it not a lot comes out because i can never remeber wut has happened to me since my last blog
point form:
##mosquito went in my eye yesterday
##got on horse today for first time in a long time and he was rearing and i threw my back out a little ~~ ouch!!
##am working on my typing skills (not so good as you can see) lol
##just killed a big bug eww!
##am checking my email religiously to see if i get an email from a cirtain someone( any one who knows me knows who im talking about
##two japanese exchange students are coming on monday( wednesday now)
##after them i have a GAP student coming from England to stay for the whole year( undecided if im happy about that or not?)
##really stupidly pining after ' someone' and even though im even starting to piss myself off about it i can't help it, i thought i was over him but then i saw a few things that reminded me of him and i was totally into it all again. i think the worst part about it is the rejection, i dont know if the rejection is him honestly just not liking me that way or if its kind of like reverse psyc. like if he really does like me but is trying to hide it. im almost cirtain that if i ever went out with him it would end in heart break for me because he's just so controlled my his mother ( by the way its not like hes a mama's boy i mean he still lives at home but he's only 18 and im 17, not as bad as it sounds) and his mom does not like me, well actually she dosn't like any female between the ages of 15 and 20! she's just that kind of mom. i know i would get hurt but that just dosent seem to stop me, in fact its almost like that's making me go on, i just want to know what it would be like with him, good or bad? while he's away i miss him but i dont know if i even want to see him when he gets back, if ill even be able to handle it. i can hear my friends voices in my head, " if he dosn't throw his arms around you the moment he sees you, tell you he loves you, and then stick his fucking tounge down your fucking throat, than fuck him!" thats a mixture of about 5 different people but you get the idea. the long and the short of it is he dosn't want me, i mean we're good friends( not great but good) cuz we both have the same sick and twisted sense of humour, and we're not exactly the same so we're good oppisites, but i guess i just have to come to terms with it that he won't ever like me that way, i think if i can start to deal with that then i think we could become really great friends, he makes me laugh( and hey you never know, he might be gay...judging from one of his ex's( a little butch) maybe???LOL)
well those are my thoughts? scary eh?